Showgirl Gifts

Magic Accident

"Oops!"

"HEY!!! That's not my color!!!"

"Remember me?"

Happy Birthday Magicians of America

Can can dancer.

Too Much?

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

Succession 2

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

'I'm a star!'

Toenail clipping missile.

Hollywood producer.

"Take my advice; speak softly but carry a big shtick."

"Hey, Bob. Things haven't been quite the same since Richard Attenborough arrived here, have they?"

'Man it's a tough crowd tonight!'

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

"Fashion Week"

"Er. . . anything else?"

'Call you back - I'm with my agent.'

Bette Midler

TV stage door

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

"I'm so looking forward to the weekend, there's a show on: We're going to be pampered and they'll put lovely ribbons in our manes..."

'I don't mind playing dead. But what I would really like to do is direct.'

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

No Talent Agency

'You see son, it's jobs like these that give us a bad name...'

Jerry's dancing dogs

"I've seen your latest project and I must say, it really stinks. I mean, it is utterly putrid. It totally reeks."

Franz Kafka does stand-up...

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'