Showbiz Gifts

New celebrity perfume - 'It smells of money.'

Magic Accident

"Wait a minute... You're not Warren Gurkenman the famous actor, but his stuntman?!"

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

'I love appearing on stage. My only regret is that I can't be in the audience to fully appreciate my work.'

TV programme - The Eggs Factor

'Can you do anything else?'

'I've received celebrity status!'

Restaurant - Winehouse List: 10 bottles of red...

"Take my advice, drop the name Rolf Savile."

"The safest way back into the charts is a dramatic death after a party with girls, booze, and drugs!"

Celebrity PR agency.

"Yes, Your Honor, I'm Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

Showbiz Awards

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

Super Bowl Halftime Show Barbra Streisand reads from her memoir.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

Music Hall Dancers

'Man it's a tough crowd tonight!'

Toenail clipping missile.

"Is it 'Measure once, cut twice?' Or 'Cut once, then measure?' Or maybe it's..."

The 24-Hour Celebrities Doing Something Stupid Channel.

Parents start infant on the way to fame.

'I'm a star!'

"Take my advice; speak softly but carry a big shtick."

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

Hollywood producer.

"Hey, Bob. Things haven't been quite the same since Richard Attenborough arrived here, have they?"

'We had to donwsize.'