Showbiz Politician Gifts

'A spin doctor just isn't enough any more, Senator - you need a choreographer.'

Showbiz Awards

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

Music Hall Dancers

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

Toenail clipping missile.

Parents start infant on the way to fame.

"Is it 'Measure once, cut twice?' Or 'Cut once, then measure?' Or maybe it's..."

Desk sign: 'Brown-nose'.

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

West End Shows closing - box office piled high with boxes.

'I don't mind playing dead. But what I would really like to do is direct.'

Boarway Show

"Yes, Your Honor. I am Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

"Looks like Broadway's back."

No Talent Agency

"You may now phony show-biz kiss the bride."

Live the Dream!

Ted Cruz announced he's running for president. He's not going to win. He was the first to announce. No first-announcer has won since 1952. Besides, his name's too similar to Tom Cruise. And Tom Cruise is so not in right now. HOJ. We should have our own political show. If I an do it shirtless, I'm in.

'Get Doc Weston and Tell him I have a fever and to come over quick. We have a show to do tonight.' The talking dog goes over to the doctor's house and simply says 'woof'.

"When the boss says jump, I say how high."

TV Producers Workshop. The first goal of a series to avoid cancellation long enough to issue a DVD set. Get boxed before you get canned!

'You showbiz types can never make intelligent conversation!'

Magic Accident

'Anyway, you look wonderful. Mind if I ask who does your lighting?'