Shopping Jester Gifts

'Dear, this is gift shop number 3. You now owe me 1 bait & tackle, 1 hardware store, and a bar.'

"I never use the Express Lane. I like to keep my money a little longer."

"We're following Carrot Top."

"Take this declaration of war and punch it up."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Changing Room Decisions

"No, we can't get you a new toy every time we go shopping."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

Stepping on clown's shoe...

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

King and Jester

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'I've got it written down...'

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

"How will you be paying? Crypto, Venmo, electronic fund transfer, credit card, check, cash, precious metals, brightly colored shells or livestock?"

"I recommend you invest in oil. Prices are down now, but auto leaks are up."

10 Days Without an Interest Rate Change

"Eeny, meeny, miney, mo.."

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

'I'm looking for someone who can make me laugh.'

'And this one is just today's grocery list from my wife.'

'Make sport of the Queen.'

"Spend a pound, lend a pound, risk a pound and shed a pound."

'But what do you sell?'

"Why is this cart so heavy?"

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

"Class, welcome back Sean ... who, you may recall, was lost for eight days in Home Depot."

Travelling jesters. No fools left aboard overnight.