Shopping Jester Pillows

'Dear, this is gift shop number 3. You now owe me 1 bait & tackle, 1 hardware store, and a bar.'

"I never use the Express Lane. I like to keep my money a little longer."

"We're following Carrot Top."

"Take this declaration of war and punch it up."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Stepping on clown's shoe...

Changing Room Decisions

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"No, we can't get you a new toy every time we go shopping."

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

King and Jester

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

'I've got it written down...'

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

"How will you be paying? Crypto, Venmo, electronic fund transfer, credit card, check, cash, precious metals, brightly colored shells or livestock?"

"I recommend you invest in oil. Prices are down now, but auto leaks are up."

10 Days Without an Interest Rate Change

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

"Eeny, meeny, miney, mo.."

'I'm looking for someone who can make me laugh.'

'Make sport of the Queen.'

Travelling jesters. No fools left aboard overnight.

"Why is this cart so heavy?"

"Class, welcome back Sean ... who, you may recall, was lost for eight days in Home Depot."

'And this one is just today's grocery list from my wife.'

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

'But what do you sell?'

"Man, I hate jester auditions."