Market Jester Pillows

"The most important feature of economic predictions is trying not to laugh while making them."

10 Days Without an Interest Rate Change

'Looks like the economy is recovering!'

"I recommend you invest in oil. Prices are down now, but auto leaks are up."

'A slump? Heavens, no! This is just a little market elasticity!'

"Eddie, thanks to GPS, we no longer say your stocks are dropping. We say 'recalculating'."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"And where have you previously moused?"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

Why markets crash.

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"That new drug causes flatulence."

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"You're quitting? You're walking out?? Couldn't you have at least waited until I finished outsourcing the company??!"

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"Its been on the market for over two years. The estate agent reckons it's something to do with negative edibility!"

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

'In this class you will learn to apply the talents of creative writing to accounting.'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."