Investor Jester Pillows

'Since the stock market is a metaphor for life, in the past 12 months there were lots of ups and downs...'

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"Remember...when the going gets tough...DELEGATE!"

'What's wrong now?'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

Career Choices

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

Under new blame.

Why markets crash.