Jester Investor Pillows

'You're exactly the type of investor we're looking for.'

'So, you're a serious investor? Lighten up!'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"We're following Carrot Top."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"That new drug causes flatulence."

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

"Its been on the market for over two years. The estate agent reckons it's something to do with negative edibility!"

Stepping on clown's shoe...

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

'Wait a minute....!

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

'All right, gentlemen, this is the current picture of our growth industry!'

Investments.

"You gave us quite a scare there Mr. Edwards! We thought we lost your credit card information."

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'

"Now, where was I?"

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

'Dear sir, every month we place all bills in a big pile on the table, and select six at random for payment...'

"I recommend you invest in oil. Prices are down now, but auto leaks are up."

10 Days Without an Interest Rate Change

'Make sport of the Queen.'

'I'm looking for someone who can make me laugh.'

Travelling jesters. No fools left aboard overnight.

"In light of current market conditions, I've diversified your portfolio to include Lotto tickets and bingo chips."

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

"Of course we're not in a recession. No one has even jumped out of a window."

"We've got a new financial advisor. I asked him how to cut down on out of pocket expenses and he said to stop wearing clothes with pockets."