Shopper Gifts

"So I'm just looking around - right? - when this invisible hand of the market reaches into my purse and maxes out all of my credit cards!"

Discount Shopping.

"I totally agree with you about capitalism, neo-colonialism, and globalization, but you really come down too hard on shopping."

'If they're not hunter-gatherers, and they're not seed planters, what in thunder ARE they?'

Customer: 'Do you have anything for the same price that doesn't cost so much?'

'Non-alcoholic wines? Aisle 7, on the left - just keep shoveling dust 'til you hit them.'

"Oh no. It's another death caused by 'economy pack syndrome'!"

Someone blowing a trumpet in someone else ear inside a shop

Man and barcode-rain

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

Produce Dept. Notice! Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll.

Iceberg Lettuce

Retail therapy graph.

Stuff you need once then leave at the back of the cupboard to fester

'I said do you have any books on anger management?!'

'Me? I'm non-union, so I can bearly afford to be invested in this market.'

At last! We've found their elusive burial grounds!

'It's the climate controlled mall shopping... I never saved for a rainy day!'

Fashion Mistake.

"That's the diet version. The packaging is so tough, you work up a sweat just opening it."

This is the new chicken product, poulet ding! I suppose the 'ding' is the sound of the microwave.

"I've heard of instant Karma, but I didn't know there was a microwavable version."

Plastic or Paper?

"I'm depending 24/7 on 12/25!"

'And don't forget the eggs dear'

"Here's a bunch of money. We need you to save America...as we know it."

"We're out of fresh beefsteak so this is the next best option."

"Would you like your milk in a bag?"

"Hey, buddy. I seeka da mayo."

"I got him in the sales

We Never Look at Prices Shop.

"I often think of the 'Hereafter'. When I'm shopping I'm always asking myself 'What am I here after?'"

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

'You didn't realise she was so expensive? The clue is in the name!'

"Look, isn't that Jane and Lester Hobson?"