Shareholder Satirist Gifts

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

'Before we get started, I would like to thank our stockholder for coming tonight...'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

'Being offshored isn't exactly what I expected.'

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Another day at work would be one too many...

Born In Captivity.

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'Miss Pym, we've made a smaller loss than last year, order me a much larger desk.'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

"The more coffee I drink, the more these motivational posters make sense."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'Instead of a raise, Yomp, you may call me 'Chief', instead of Mr Staghorn.'

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"