Shared Parenting Enthusiast Gifts

'I'm all for shared parenting but I suspect you're milking this Brigson.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"Don't tell me... you hired a professional decorator!"

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

I love my family!

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

Growth Charts

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

Early childhood development

Crying baby

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

Open other end

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

Lemming mothers

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"My first Father's day!"

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

"Ouch. . . Aaaargh!!. . . Stop it!. . . "

Mother: 'He has your eyes.'