Shakespearean Witty Friend Pillows

"i have a premonition that we'll die, so let's just keep things platonic."

Bangers and Mash

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

'Hard to follow...'

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

Tristan and Isolde

Ham-Dram

Cold caller.

When Stupid People Get an Idea

The Gilmore Girls

A lesson in wit

"Mr. Sherman, you hired our team of management consultants to stremline your enterprise, and that is precisely what we are doing."

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

It started with a giggling sound in the suspension, then a noise in the ventilator, and then...

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

'To tweet or not to tweet...'

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

Home Business - Wife.

Death reads a bedtime story.

Robinia Floribunda

"So that's a one-eyed newt a toe-less frog a bald bat and a no tongued dog!" (Macbeth witch at the vets).

"At work, they call me benchmark."

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''

'Not tonight, I have a headache,'

No, it doesn't come furnished.