Serpent Sympathizer Gifts

"I'm not saying you have to give them up entirely, but you need to eat your young in moderation."

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

SNAKE CHARMER: snake reads 'help wanted' ad.

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

Unwelcome guests can be caught and thrown out...there is no need to kill them.

"The government doesn't understand me."

'In just six hours you will be simultaneously cured of your fear of snakes, heights, small spaces and commitment.'

The Great Maldini and his Venomous Snakes

'I've tied a knot to remind you to feed him.'

'I warned Harry that he'd have a bad hair day if he got near that leaf blower.'

Snake Eats the Snake Charmer.

"He made millions and we got a bad rap. Why has no one eaten Spielberg?"

A serpent is entering and exiting cloth in an interesting fashion.

"Nooo. Not my legs."

"I thought they only used the ink for protection..."

Ophiologist

'Do what I did. Tell your mother you want a pet snake. Then she'll get you a dog.'

Snake Blogging

'I wanted to hear the pita pata of tiny feet so he bought me a hamster.'

The Multi-tasking Snake Charmer

"They think it's easy being the bleedin' bluebird of happiness!"

"Well, you're not itsy-bitsy to me."

"Who the hell keeps doing that?"

'If you can hear me, Larry Gligstein, please send a text to 555-703-7193

I told you not to text and spin, Simone.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Oh, it's only you."

Think positive.

"I keep climbing this water spout. The rain washes me out. Then out comes the sun and dries up the rain. So what do I do? I climb right back up again. Talk about a rut."

'Good old fashioned turkey shoot.'

Neighbourhood watch and slug watch.

"I taught him to shake hands, and now he's running for congress!"

Scary Slug Stories

Another Timmy Pet Fail!

'He didn't buy us as pets, he bought us as pet-food: He has a snake!'

'It's so I don't lose the kids in the long grass...'