Sequel Cynic Gifts

"It's no use R2, we'll never escape another sequel!"

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

Someday

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"That script of yours - I've never read such a load of cliched second-rate crap...It'll make us rich..."

When Stupid People Get an Idea

"Hear me out. Batman - again."

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

Gullibility Test $1.00.

'Yes, but at least I don't fake the whole relationship.'

'You're King Kong? You look bigger in the movies.'

'So to sum up this lengthy discussion: at the next meeting we'd prefer one platter of Brie and grape, one of honey glazed ham, and one of roast beef with wild horseradish - and NO cheese and pickle.'

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

'The dip in profits here is attributed to the purchase of this projector and screen.'

Obama builds own gallows.

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

Defend the Cult of Militant Nonviolence!

"Where's that special cartridge we use to print campaign promises...the one with disappearing ink?"

'I always thought Facebook was the perfect roommate...Until the rent came due.'

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

"This looks good."

'Our government is comprised of three branches - politicians, lobbyists, and the media.'

'Stock prices are down; Bond prices are down; North Korea are threatening nuclear war...have a nice night's sleep.'

'The following program may not be suitable for those of you who are sick and tired of politics....'

'These are fine, but what's in it for me?'