Cinema Cynic Gifts

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

"That script of yours - I've never read such a load of cliched second-rate crap...It'll make us rich..."

"I graduated from film school,but you don't see me trying to make movies!"

'I don't like to go to the cinema. At the movies, the good guys always win, there's nobody I can identify with...' (Caption may be modified.)

'You're King Kong? You look bigger in the movies.'

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'Yes, but at least I don't fake the whole relationship.'

When Stupid People Get an Idea

'So to sum up this lengthy discussion: at the next meeting we'd prefer one platter of Brie and grape, one of honey glazed ham, and one of roast beef with wild horseradish - and NO cheese and pickle.'

Obama builds own gallows.

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

'The dip in profits here is attributed to the purchase of this projector and screen.'

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

"Where's that special cartridge we use to print campaign promises...the one with disappearing ink?"

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

'Our government is comprised of three branches - politicians, lobbyists, and the media.'

'Stock prices are down; Bond prices are down; North Korea are threatening nuclear war...have a nice night's sleep.'

Old Rope

'The following program may not be suitable for those of you who are sick and tired of politics....'

'These are fine, but what's in it for me?'

"I'd better read the official view before I form an opinion."

'Who cares where Waldo is?'

Entering Clogsted.

'I had it all - then the IRS found where I had it hidden.'

Too Good to be true - 50c.