Award Cynic Gifts

"They finally gave me the employee of the month award, but it kind of loses its meaning when every single other employee has already gotten it five times.'

'My boss made me 'employee of the month'.'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

The Forever Stamp

"That script of yours - I've never read such a load of cliched second-rate crap...It'll make us rich..."

When Stupid People Get an Idea

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

'You're King Kong? You look bigger in the movies.'

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

Obama builds own gallows.

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

"Where's that special cartridge we use to print campaign promises...the one with disappearing ink?"

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

'Stock prices are down; Bond prices are down; North Korea are threatening nuclear war...have a nice night's sleep.'

Old Rope