Senior Wit Gifts

"I feel like a newborn. No hair, no teeth, no bladder control."

Snowprov

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

Wordplay: Export.

The Frankenstein snowman.

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Note Book

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

James Bond: Senior Years.

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

Grandad Prodigy

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

'Did someone say something?'

Cow asks the horse for the carrot.

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Old man has a walking stick case.

'Hello, handsome - is that a Billy Cotton ringtone?'

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

You know your getting old when you have to put on your reading glasses to trim your eyebrows...

Life begins at 60

Birth of the Perpetual Fundraising Industry.

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

'Let's go upstairs and make love. I can't do both.'

"How's your memory?"

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'