Senior Wit Pillows

"I feel like a newborn. No hair, no teeth, no bladder control."

Snowprov

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

Wordplay: Export.

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

The Frankenstein snowman.

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Note Book

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

Grandad Prodigy

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

Cow asks the horse for the carrot.

Old man has a walking stick case.

'Did someone say something?'

You know your getting old when you have to put on your reading glasses to trim your eyebrows...

Life begins at 60

Birth of the Perpetual Fundraising Industry.

"How's your memory?"

'Let's go upstairs and make love. I can't do both.'

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

'Your breathing test results would be normal ... if you were 3'8' and 150 years old.'