Senior Satire Pillows

'. . . before we rob the bank, let's synchronise our pacemakers!

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

Adam and Eve, as old people.

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

How To Cut The Defense Budget

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

Life begins at 60

'Let's go upstairs and make love. I can't do both.'

Just what were you doing in Georgia anyways Hmmm Isn't it true that you were lookin' for a soul to steal Your confession states that you were in a bind cause you were way behind, Care to elaborate, Mr, Seacrest I mean, Lucifer,,

'I need a low dose of Viagra please doctor. . .I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't wee on my shoes.'

'Your breathing test results would be normal ... if you were 3'8' and 150 years old.'

At the Old Bikers' Home

"Yes, when I was young, I was a golden retriever: I'm more like a silver retriever now..."

"My back goes out more often than I do..."

"I'm Generation Z. Nice to meet you."

"She's definitely less plumpy."

Campus police are dorm troopers.

"Money may not make me happy, but I'd like to give it a chance."

'I won't have any drops today, nurse. It's raining so much...'

Why can't you just buy some extra memory like everybody else?

"I used to live each dray to the fullest. Now I'm satisfied with every other Tuesday."

'I'm ninety-seven years old and I still have all my own teeth.'

"I'd like to buy you a drink, beautiful... but I forgot my wallet in my pants and my pants at home."

"I think you may have misinterpreted the idea of an informal interview."

Cut out and keep your own Butler.

Dog Days