Senior Speedsters Gifts

"Ma'am, do you know how well you were driving?"

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

"I hear you bought a new classic car."

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

'Raping and pillaging, Seniors' Tour, 898AD.'

"I thought you'd take up something like gardening in your retirement, not parkour."

"Larry is seventy with occasional gusts to eighty-five."

'This is your third speeding ticket in a week. Sure your horse didn't get into some genetically modified hay?'

"I'm delighted that you feel better, but I'd go easy on those backflips!"

When Seniors Fly

"I'd be fast, too, if I had legs that long."

'Maybe you had the radar screen upside down and it was a plane...'

Sunshine Retirement Villa: Pool, Golf, Tennis and Financial Planner.

The only drug this league tests positive for is Geritol.

'In denial and loving it!'

The over 80s ain't what they used to be!

"Of all the times to stall."

Nice custom job, Bill!

"I admire the way you avoided that radar trap."

'55 minutes? Really? And you call yourself the fastest land mammal?'

'They wanted us to take the knee before kick off, but I was worried half of us might not be able to get up again'

"What's the rush? He'll still be dead when you get there."

New Scoots for Old Coots!

'I don't mind a medical but I think that's a bit much!

'Getting old isn't so bad when you consider the only other alternative. . .'

Ruby wasn't going to let her age slow her down.

"I told you she didn't like us!"

Lester adhered to his morning exercise regime.

'Who greased our slope?'

"To save me from losing it on the bends, I swear by a smearing of denture fixative."

'Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't pleas insanity.'

'Well, obviously if I'd known car tax was going to go up I'd have bought a more sensible vehicle.'