Senior Pets Gifts

"Sometimes Bob wags when he's happy—but these days, it usually means he just tooted."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"My novel is about a romance between an octogenarian and a septuagenarian, but I can't remember which is which."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"We settled into the one-level after our hips got bad."

"I'm sixty three in human years and the mother of octuplets. Again."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

'Senior Cat Warranty, Low maintenance sofa accessory, Unlimited purring and cuddling, Mellow 'been there done that' attitude.'

Pensioner's Romance

"You want the truth? I can't remember the truth!"

'Too old to climb curtains, but young enough to climb on a lap. What's not to love.'

"I'm thinking of letting my bangs grow out."

"America's Funniest Colonoscopy Videos."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

"He's so old I usually let him do what he wants."

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

'So June, do you think we should get a stairlift or just move to a bungalow...because, let's face it, we're getting on and here will come a point...when you won't be able to carry me up the stairs anymore.'

"Last one to the top's a geriatric."

Assisted Living.

Dog on a stair-lift.

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"