Senior Pets Gifts

"Sometimes Bob wags when he's happy—but these days, it usually means he just tooted."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"My novel is about a romance between an octogenarian and a septuagenarian, but I can't remember which is which."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"We settled into the one-level after our hips got bad."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"I'm sixty three in human years and the mother of octuplets. Again."

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

'Senior Cat Warranty, Low maintenance sofa accessory, Unlimited purring and cuddling, Mellow 'been there done that' attitude.'

Pensioner's Romance

"You want the truth? I can't remember the truth!"

'Too old to climb curtains, but young enough to climb on a lap. What's not to love.'

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

"America's Funniest Colonoscopy Videos."

"I'm thinking of letting my bangs grow out."

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

"He's so old I usually let him do what he wants."

'So June, do you think we should get a stairlift or just move to a bungalow...because, let's face it, we're getting on and here will come a point...when you won't be able to carry me up the stairs anymore.'

"Last one to the top's a geriatric."

Dog on a stair-lift.

Assisted Living.