Senior Milestone Gifts

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

"Sign my yearbook?"

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

'I try not to think big too often or I get terrible headaches.'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

Church Basement Foodie

". . . and now it's his memory. Three times on Saturday he asked me what day it was. Or did I already tell you that earlier?"

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

Tenacity trumps everything!

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

Space for Lease.

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

Medication for the elderly

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

"He's dead- but that's normal for his age."

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

'Take this drug...you'll be ten years younger.'

Who's Dead

"You're not goin' anywhere, Roy. You buried your own nuts again."

"Ha! Now no one can call me 'old'! I just overtook a sports car!"

"Aren't you young to be worrying about college?"

Women

'They're young hares, so it's OK for them to be a bit crazy in March, but thankfully, we've grown out of that!'

'Actually, you're not having a midlife crises. It's a .723 life crises.'

"Look at it this way - the more birthdays you have, the longer you live!"