Senior Discounts Pillows

'You're pressing your pass upside-down and back-to-front - how am I expected to know you are an OAP?'

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"The pizza came late and it was cold!"

"No more swinging from tree to tree! Now I take the bus and I even get a senior discount!"

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"Two, please—one senior and one tootsie."

Four bites a second is about as fast as anyone can chew.

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"Mom said Dad pulled a groin surfing Mendocino. When will he realize he's not 60 anymore?"

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

Pensioner's Romance

"I'm thinking of letting my bangs grow out."

"America's Funniest Colonoscopy Videos."

"How much is the sign?"

Computer Jobs

Medical Bling: "Help!" on a rope, Important info, O2 4U, Snazzy 3-prong

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

'Shove' (at big sale).

Hole Sale

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

'If you're coming on this road trip the sign stays'

Shopping Torture

'They've got a great deal here. When you buy one meal, I get mine half price!'

"Last one to the top's a geriatric."

'So do you want one with an accelerator, or one with brakes?'

"Oh no. It's another death caused by 'economy pack syndrome'!"

Oldies.

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

'Prove it.'

'They might look sexy and seductive but all I want to do is the crossword.'

'Watch out for Harold Smedly...He has wandering long-reach pick up tools!..'