Senior Discounts T-Shirts

'You're pressing your pass upside-down and back-to-front - how am I expected to know you are an OAP?'

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"The pizza came late and it was cold!"

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"No more swinging from tree to tree! Now I take the bus and I even get a senior discount!"

Four bites a second is about as fast as anyone can chew.

"Mom said Dad pulled a groin surfing Mendocino. When will he realize he's not 60 anymore?"

"Two, please—one senior and one tootsie."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

Pensioner's Romance

"America's Funniest Colonoscopy Videos."

"I'm thinking of letting my bangs grow out."

"How much is the sign?"

Computer Jobs

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

Hole Sale

'If you're coming on this road trip the sign stays'

'They've got a great deal here. When you buy one meal, I get mine half price!'

Medical Bling: "Help!" on a rope, Important info, O2 4U, Snazzy 3-prong

Shopping Torture

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

'Shove' (at big sale).

"Last one to the top's a geriatric."

"Oh no. It's another death caused by 'economy pack syndrome'!"

'So do you want one with an accelerator, or one with brakes?'

'Prove it.'

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

Oldies.

'They might look sexy and seductive but all I want to do is the crossword.'

'Watch out for Harold Smedly...He has wandering long-reach pick up tools!..'

"Awww! How long have you been married?"