Senior Discount Lover Pillows

"Yoo-hoo! My husband gets the senior-citizen discount! Yoo-hoo, Officer, yoo-hoo!"

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

(Visual gag) Wellard's annual BIG HANDBAG SALE!! A woman is dragging a huge bag out from a bag shop

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"Wish I could do that." "Better give him a dog treat and a bath first."

"No more swinging from tree to tree! Now I take the bus and I even get a senior discount!"

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

Classic Autos: We have muscle cars for weaklings!

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

'Please, Dad? Can we? Can we? Pleeeease?'

"I'm sorry, sir, but Dostoyevsky is not considered summer reading. I'll have to ask you to come with me."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

How much would you take off for cash?

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

'How do I qualify for the 'Preferred Customer Discount' you're advertising?' 'Do you have a pulse?'

"How much is the sign?"

'They've got a great deal here. When you buy one meal, I get mine half price!'

"How long before I have a dad body?"

'Did someone say something?'

'It's so frustrating -- all our coupons are expiring!'

Old man has a walking stick case.

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

'It was an impulse buy Mary. At 75 percent off in the New Year sale AND free home delivery. . .'

'Prove it.'

Oldies.

Farmers Telemarket. That's right. Beans for just $.10 a carton. Ma'am, would you like a month's worth of corn absolutely free? We'll even switch your onions for you!

'You've been on eBay again haven't you?'

'You don't have to stay in a motel. I have a couch you can rent.'

'Our relationship is getting serious. He's taking me to meet his doctor.'

Everyday is cyber Monday.

Man flattered into buying by a frenchwoman

"Sorry, Bernie. We found out about your rejuvenating jelly."