Senior Stories Lover Pillows

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

"Two, please—one senior and one tootsie."

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

"Can you hurry up with that will? I don't have all day."

"He'd make a wonderful main character for a short story, but I wouldn't put up with him for an entire novel."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

'Oh, to be 75 again!'

'Did someone say something?'

"My memory's not too good these days."

Old man has a walking stick case.

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

"How long before I have a dad body?"

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

'All that smoking has stunted your growth.'

"Remember toothache!!!"

Oldies.

"I think she's the new nurse. She's been here ever since I can remember."

'Our relationship is getting serious. He's taking me to meet his doctor.'

The Name Brain

'I won't have any drops today, nurse. It's raining so much...'

"Sorry, Bernie. We found out about your rejuvenating jelly."

"You look amazing Dad. Has Mrs Arnold been ironing your face again?"

Florida Wildlife Today's Featured Species is the Old Goat

'Aha, the vitamins for seniors swaps additives for preservatives.'

'I got up for something - but now I can't remember what it was.'

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

"This is Norman - eighty-seven and never a mid-life crisis in his life."

'George is on some weird pill...'