Senior Stories Lover Pillows

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"Two, please—one senior and one tootsie."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

"Can you hurry up with that will? I don't have all day."

"He'd make a wonderful main character for a short story, but I wouldn't put up with him for an entire novel."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

'Oh, to be 75 again!'

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"How long before I have a dad body?"

Old man has a walking stick case.

'Did someone say something?'

"My memory's not too good these days."

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

Oldies.

"Remember toothache!!!"

'All that smoking has stunted your growth.'

"I think she's the new nurse. She's been here ever since I can remember."

'Our relationship is getting serious. He's taking me to meet his doctor.'

Florida Wildlife Today's Featured Species is the Old Goat

Viagra Tipped

"You look amazing Dad. Has Mrs Arnold been ironing your face again?"

The Name Brain

"Sorry, Bernie. We found out about your rejuvenating jelly."

'I won't have any drops today, nurse. It's raining so much...'

'Aha, the vitamins for seniors swaps additives for preservatives.'

'I got up for something - but now I can't remember what it was.'

"This is Norman - eighty-seven and never a mid-life crisis in his life."

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"