Senior Citizen Gifts

'Relax - we're retired, we don't have any teeth.'

"If I were you I'd talk to him again later after he's had his nap."

'Look, here comes our 'meals on wheels'.'

"No, accepting the popcorn doesn't obligate you in any way."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

Church Basement Foodie

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"We settled into the one-level after our hips got bad."

"Sure I'm depressed - now they got me on this geriatric dog food."

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

Pensioner's Romance

"You want the truth? I can't remember the truth!"

A man with a walking frame breaks a wheel and hitches a ride with a man on a mobility scooter.

"I'm thinking of letting my bangs grow out."

"America's Funniest Colonoscopy Videos."

'I still have all my own teeth.'

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

"Last one to the top's a geriatric."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I'm trying to determine if the aches and pains are from an injury or just my new normal."

Things You Say When You Are Officially Old - Volume # 2

Pensioners - Old ink Pens at the park sitting and walking

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"The older I get, the more I change from a lounge lizard into a bathroom lizard..."

'Don't talk to me about joint-pain...'

'Watch out for Harold Smedly...He has wandering long-reach pick up tools!..'

"You look amazing Dad. Has Mrs Arnold been ironing your face again?"

"Awww! How long have you been married?"

"Come on, come on, I can't hold it in much longer."