Self-taught Enthusiast Pillows

'So far he's self-taught but we thought it time to engage a regular teacher.'

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

"Teach yourself what you don't know you don't know."

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

What else is there to wish for?

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

Super Student

Hanging off every word...

A Preschool of Fish

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

'Yes, grammar rules do evolve over time, but making up your own to 'stay ahead of the curve' won't work in this English class!'

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

'You must heal yourself.'

"My pets found out they were adopted."

"You said mindfulness could help us do well on the test, so I filled it up with as much as I could last night."

Self Help / Elf Help.

'School of hard knocks.'

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

Learn to play the violin in one weekend - 'This isn't working! It's Saturday evening already and I've only got as far as holding it properly...'

'At first it's just kindergarten, but then mission creep takes over and you're in college.'

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

Always expect the best

"I feel like there's a chick in me trying to escape."

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

Becoming The Good Boy They Say You Are