Self-taught Scholar Pillows

'I don't have much formal education, but I've googled a lot of things.'

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

The Bookworm

Playdough's The Republic

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

"If wisdom comes with age, what are we doing here at eight and a half?"

"Graduation day at kite flying school."

'I want to chuck all the spelling and math and just get back to playing with blocks.'

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

'School of hard knocks.'

'Wow! School's only been out for ten minutes, and I've already forgotten everything I learned.'

Learn to play the violin in one weekend - 'This isn't working! It's Saturday evening already and I've only got as far as holding it properly...'

"My papie says I'm going to be the first in my family to go to college!"

'Tommy's book reports are like no other.'

"Finally...school starts next week."

'It was bound to happen - they're beginning to think like binary computers.'

"Before you grade my test, keep in mind, my dream is to become a wealthy doctor, just like my available father"

No animals were harmed during the writing of this book report....

The Giamatti era

"In pre-school I was an overachiever. Now, in first grade, math is threatening my reputation."

"This is my last day. My parents found a more expensive school on the East Side."

"It's badly sprained, McElroy, and you know as well as I do that I'd only slow you down. Go on without me—and that's a direct order!"

"Well, if the test is multiple choice I choose not to take it."

'I have her registered in a pre-med nursery program.'

"Aren't you young to be worrying about college?"

"And I'd recommend this book to anyone in the market for a free plush toy."

'I got an 'F' in penmanship, but it doesn't matter. I plan on becoming a doctor.'

2000 words was tough, but doable. Billy would play the picture paints a 1000 words card, twice!

"I was master of all I surveyed... then they hit me with second grade."

"I got an A+ on my math test! I'm updating my resume."

"Some people call this an elementary school. Not me. I call it pre-med."

"I'll look into it, but you're still in the first grade. Normally, they don't give student loans until you're in college."