Self-hypnosis Gifts

Poor chap was busy concentrating on his 'I can make you thin' CD when the truck squashed him flat.

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

Self help acupuncture

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"Teach yourself what you don't know you don't know."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

Relationship Warning Lights

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

Window Treatment

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

"Yet she never gains an ounce."

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

Politicians are from Uranus.

'...Do you, Thomas, take Charleen as your wife, to love and cherish, for better of worse...use Rehab as may be needed...for as long as you both shall live?'

'My new cellphone has a 'self-help' program...'

'The Lemming Book Store'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'Surely they're not ALL still in their offices!'

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

"How can you expect anyone else to believe in you when you don't believe in yourself?"