Hypnosis Gifts

'Why yes. We do owe you a very large rebate!'

'I...lost...twenty...pounds...and...now...I'm...a...size...six!'

'Puffy, red, tired eyes? Heavy eyelids? Getting heavier? Heavier. Completely relaxed now. On the count of 10, you will awaken fresh, invigorated and ready to support our following sponsors…'

Mussel Relaxant.

Sign on hypnotist's door reads: Prices Subject to change without Conscious Notice.

"...In your last 8 lives you were...er...a cat"

Hypnotist - "You are going into a deeeep sleeep"

'... And you say that this hypnotist promised to relax you for this interview? '

Hypnotoon

"That was a fascinating regression. Apparently, you were a pirate in a previous life!"

"You shouldn't have hypnotised him"

'Buerrk! Buck, buck, buck...'

'And you will stay here until the Andersons' bathroom renovation is finished entirely. You will not leave, not even for a moment...'

'You are in a deep, deep sleep, when you awaken you will feel sweaty and exhausted...'

'I can't relax _ I'm worrying about your watch being five minutes slow !'

"I like everything you suggest, except for the part where you count to three to wake me up. Can we just skip that part?"

"Don't worry about John. He just went to a hypnotist to improve his game."

Earl was obviously distressed, as he recounted under hypnosis how aliens had abducted him, and had their tax inspectors thoroughly examine his books.

'You will awake feeling refreshed....'

"You will now open your eyes and have no memory of me charging you twice for this session!"

Snake charmer hypnotizes aliens in flying saucer

Quiet Night

"I couldn't put down this book on hypnosis even if I wanted to."

Fly speaking to cow: Relaaax..relax your bowels, and let it all, just come out...

'It's the latest thing - surgery under hypnosis.'

Thanks to hypnosis, he quit smoking cold-turkey. Everyone seemed real supportive until he came strutting into work, half-naked, gobbling incoherently.

You Are In Your Power

Silvio Berlusconi

"I see you went to the hypnotherapist"

Margaret got tired of waiting for her ‘slow-brew' tea.

'Apparently I was wrong about you being Elvis in a past life.. It turns out you were an Elvis impersonator.'

"I'm trying to hypnotize him to embrace new technology. I must be doing it wrong, because all he does is crawl and bark like a dog."

"I tried self-hypnosis to quit smoking. Unfortunately, I have no memory of it."

"When you awake you will feel fine, you will have no pain, and... Oh, what the hell... you will cluck like a chicken for ten seconds."

"When I count to three you will have given up smoking but you will think you are Elvis Presley."