Hypnosis Humorist Gifts

'Puffy, red, tired eyes? Heavy eyelids? Getting heavier? Heavier. Completely relaxed now. On the count of 10, you will awaken fresh, invigorated and ready to support our following sponsors…'

Hypnotherapy: prices subject to change without conscious notice.

'You are in a deep, deep sleep, when you awaken you will feel sweaty and exhausted...'

Tony Blair's re-election strategy.

You Are In Your Power

"I hypnotized him into exercising every time he gets a spam in his inbox. He works out 50 times a day."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

Welcome Spring.

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"You're completely screwed up."

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"You shouldn't have hypnotised him"

'I'll set snooze for an extra month.'

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

T-Shirt reads: 'Out of mind, I won't be back.'

"How long have I had what problem?"

Computer help.

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

"Dr. Livingstone will see you now."