Hypnosis Humorist Gifts

'Puffy, red, tired eyes? Heavy eyelids? Getting heavier? Heavier. Completely relaxed now. On the count of 10, you will awaken fresh, invigorated and ready to support our following sponsors…'

Hypnotherapy: prices subject to change without conscious notice.

'You are in a deep, deep sleep, when you awaken you will feel sweaty and exhausted...'

Tony Blair's re-election strategy.

You Are In Your Power

"I hypnotized him into exercising every time he gets a spam in his inbox. He works out 50 times a day."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

Welcome Spring.

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"You're completely screwed up."

F&E Stables. Horses Boarded. The owner of this horse is a huge fan of the late musician, "Prince." That explains the purple reins.

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

"You shouldn't have hypnotised him"

'I'll set snooze for an extra month.'

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

"How long have I had what problem?"

T-Shirt reads: 'Out of mind, I won't be back.'

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

Computer help.

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."