Self-gifters Pillows

How many Christmas gifts did you get this year? I got over a dozen. Seriously? No single, childless adult with very little family and only one friend can possibly get that many Christmas gifts. Unless ... by "got," you meant ... I had Amazon wrap them all. I like to be surprised.

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

"I know it's not an ideal situation, Samantha, but how else are we going to afford a 160 gigabyte laptop, a top of the range mobile and a Playstation 3 for the kids presents?"

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

Santa 'Freezing' Claus.

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

Tipping Pain Chart

It's the thought that counts!

"Don't look him in the mouth! Don't look him in the mouuuthhh!!"

'I think it's nice for kids to have wooden toys.'

"Christmas day or nor, it was under the tree! How could you expect me not to peek?"

That's what I hate about sole proprietorship. On Boss's Day, nobody gives me a gift.

'Uh oh! Santa brought the kids a pet cat!'

Blood Donor

"Since when did they start putting perfume in aerosol cans?"

"...Well, where was he when I needed the red Power Ranger?"

'That reminds me must buy an anniversary present for Lady Caroline!!'

'He must be the real Santa... He was the only sober guy at the Xmas party!'

Hand Sanitiser in the Middle of the Ocean

'Uh oh, looks like we've got weekend guests.'

"Seriously? Earrings again? How much thought do you actually put into buying me presents?"

I THINK when OXFAM suggested you buy a goat for Xmas...They meant for the third world!

Cats and Gift Bags

Pushy Cashpoint

Free sweatshirts for our customers (sweatshirts read: Survived the last heating bill!)

Floyd Foinsapp loses himself in the holiday season.

'If it's flowers you want,may I suggest a vegetarian restaurant,sir?'

Only one Partridge in a pear tree? Mr. Jones next door gave his true love two partridges.

"My wife's bra size? I don't know, about like this I guess."

"Well? Try them out!"

Man with an umbrella hat looks at man with a hat umbrella.

"Christ on a bike. Again. Again with the electric shaver."

'I'm afraid I don't have any spare change at the moment.. Tell you what though, if you give me your email address I'll contribute via the internet.'

'You didn't chew, did you ?!'

I don't care if the paint's not dry yet, Bob – I need my brass knuckles.