Self-gifting Guru Pillows

"It's my birthday, do you want to see what you brought me?"

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

Beach con-man.

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

'They're dog roses!'

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

Santa called but you were out!

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

Tipping Pain Chart

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

'You brought gold? I thought we agreed to a twenty dollar limit?'

Regifts of the Magi

Library: Self-Help Books and Blame a 'Rigged' Political System.

Valentines Day truck

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

Broccoli: Just Full of Surprises!

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

Mother using candy cane to pull son away from toy window.

'I guess it was a mistake to make them self-starting.'

"It says here we should get a lodger."

"I knew you'd understand."

"It's my 30-day chip. One month catnip free."

"That was classic me."

'Last week I got a lovely watch for my wife!'

'Times are hard so these will have to be presents for Christmas and birthday combined!'

New Age Pit Bull