Self-esteem Aficionado Pillows

'Does what's left of my bum look big in that?'

"Yet she never gains an ounce."

PROBLEM AREAS

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

Ego Increasing School

'I know you'll find this hard to believe but I am actually a self made man.'

Always remember...you're the best you in the world.

'I'm having a bad whisker day.'

'Keep repeating to yourself: I am a high flyer, I will not dive for the salmon.'

'But do you realize what this report cart will do to my self-esteem?'

'Welcome to the first meeting of the Shy Men Club.'

"Goodnight, Dan, you handsome devil!"

'You've probably heard of me. I'm an author, consultant and lecturer in the fields of authoring, consulting and lecturing.'

"My fuse about my height is about as short as I am."

"If I'm coming across as shallow, uncaring and egocentric, talk to my image manager."

'The baby took some cellphone pictures of you napping!'

Seminar: Find Someone Cool to Imitate.

'Doc, my problem is that I don't believe in myself!'

"Dear, it's a well known fact that women's clothes shrink in the closet during winter!"

Self esteem clinic - Go ahead, take a number. You deserve it.

"Nobody wants to steal my identity."

"Science has proven that if you don't know what you're talking about, people will still take you seriously if you act like you do...Especially if you back it up by saying 'Science has proven' it."

100% Bombast-Filled Parka

'I'm afraid my husband will stop loving me as I get older.' - 'Mine would never do that with me. You know why, don't you. He's an antique dealer.'

"Your mom wants to buy you a drink."

'I envy your metabolism.'

All dressing rooms now have dimmer switches

"I wish I was special."

"Be honest, Ralph, does my butt makes these pants look big?"

Body Shaming