Self-acceptance Champion Pillows

'I have way too much respect and dignity to dye the grey out of my hair... so instead could you all just put on these brown-tinted glasses.'

Hag for Life

"Let's don't, and say we did."

"I'm not bald, I'm just taller than my hair."

"Remember how I've always had a hard time asking for help?"

The words 'Well done ' take seconds to say, but will be long remembered and appreciated.

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

Don't Take No For an Answer

"At first I thought I'd hate it, but now I have to have it."

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

"I am very comfortable with my bovinity."

'Well, I must be going. I have some shopping to do with the money you saved by acting as your own lawyer.'

"Do you promise to love and comfort yourself, on good days and bad, for richer, for poorer, in weight gain and loss, as long as you shall live?"

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

"Jazz fusion, modern country or my podcast - my podcast it is!"

'You know, it's not good for kids' self-esteem to keep harping on about this 'naughty or nice' stuff.'

Self Love Witch

"My left buttock is noticeable larger than my right and my dog is missing his hind legs."

'Are we birds? Are these wings? Well, let's get rid of this idea that we can't fly!'

'You've got a lot of nerve, lady, calling my son's answers 'wrong'...His answers may be different, but they're just as special and beautiful as anyone else's.'

If Only Magazine: The Pot Belly Is In!

Celebrating National No Bra Day

"I'm sorry. Now that everyone's home reading, watching movies, educating themselves, and reflecting on the meaning of life, there's just no money for the arts."

I'm the gorilla's nuts... I'm the dog's bo****ks... He's never been good at hiding his light under a bushel.

"No, you still look fat."

"I've had therapy and this IS the best possible version of myself."

'Of course you're big and clumsy, but don't forget one thing. You're supposed to be big and clumsy.'

'What matters is what you think. What others think is none of your beeswax.'

Finally, a fanny-pack he could be proud of.

"I can see you...becoming a strong, successful woman!"

'Hey, I'm no longer an ugly duckling! Now I'm an ugly duck!'