Seismologist Gifts

Another long day down at the Bureau of Earthquake Prediction.

Fissure waxing - Department of Seismology.

'...the quake was an aftershock to the latest shift in the prime rate.'

"Once again, the epicenter seems to be Christian Slater."

Earthquake Research Society. The meeting's over already? Yep --- it was called to order at 8:00 and adjourned at 8:02 by a motion from the floor.

Earthquake Center. We need to name a new fault line. Any suggestions? "My bad"!

Seismology Lab. I can predict earthquakes! That makes him a "faults prophet"!

Dept. of Seismology. The foundation is fully funding my San Andreas research! They're generous to a fault!

The Tectonics and Their Plates.

'Pretend you don't notice San Andreas.'

'When it started sputtering I called a seismologist.'

"Would you mind adjusting the vibrate on your phone? There's a seismologist on TV claiming there's been an earthquake in our neighborhood."

Seismology Department: good vibrations or bad vibrations.

"Should't we have a better backup system in case our monitoring equipment goes down than a bowl of jello?"

Earthquake scores

How Glaciations Begin

"When I kiss you the earth moves. Or was that just an aftershock?"

SOE (South Of Earth)

Fracking Zone - Be prepared for anything.

Mrs. Richter's Scale.

'Didn't I tell you to take up some hobby other than opera?'

Rational explanations

'Okay! Okay! Maybe we do have a global warming problem.'

Workmen Lifting.

"Here it is - 'Surviving an Earthquake'..."

'We geochemists did very well before there were geophysicists.'

'I got rid of those funny little spots in front of my eyes. Now what's bugging me is a buzzing noise in my ears, like somebody sawing logs.'

Speleologist

'Nothing is what it seems down here. Most people are nudist speleologists, but I lobby for the pharmaceutical industry.'

"An earthquake cracked the building in half. I'd have it fixed, but it's keeping the staff from constantly going to the break room."

I tripped just now over by your bathroom. If I took this to court, I could get six figures. But I'll settle out of court for a lifetime supply of free coffee and donuts. We just had a huge earthquake. If you fell, it was probably because of that. You guys failed to think ahead and put in bouncy floors. Get out.

10/03/17 14:03

'WOW,this is amazing down here captain, ABSOLUTELY amazing! That quake SURE did a lot of damage to the ocean's floor!'

'With experience, you'll be able to identify, from a long way away, the subtle sound of a can opener...'

Tear Along this Line.