Security System Buff Pillows

"We've installed false alarms in all the offices."

High security Santa's grotto

'Where was the TSA?'

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

"It's a fantastic computer! It's so old that none of today's hackers know how to hack it!"

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

Roger Buffle Jr. supplies his father with yet another computer password.

"To retrieve password: Please answer your secret question, which is, 'what is your password?' hahahaha!"

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

CCTV in church.

Aggression/Security

'And in local news: Someone is hiding behind the drapes.'

"WIFI, Amazon, credit cards. Pretty much every password is named after me."

'What a day! Caught between a Wiki leak and a document dump.'

'What the … ? How did those thugs get into my car?'

The Ayatollah Bomb?

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

'It's a foolproof computer network, sir, that no one can break into, not even a kid.'

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

Automation of Security

"I like to think of myself as a vital link in the homeland-security system."

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"

I am not a robot

'Someone is reading our emails. I'm afraid this means we're going to have to talk to each other.'

The prime minister: the current threat to national security...