Security Protocols Gifts

'You know this is going to be the fifth flight this month you've made me miss.'

'Iris scans, finger prints, fine, but this is going too far.'

The Anti-Agent

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

UK border controls relaxed.

High security Santa's grotto

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"He's a guard dog."

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

The new normal

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

"I see you've security marked your property."

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

Scarecrows guarding a field

AI Safety Officer

"Beware of Don"

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

Moulin Rouge Security

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."

Clickbait

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

Mou...Man trap!