Secular Holiday Fan Gifts

"Easter and Halloween are my two favorite zombie-related holidays."

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

Tiny Visions

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

"Anything but milk and cookies."

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

"There's gotta be a way to make money off this."

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

Santa's wash day.

Phil gets a head start on his holiday decorating.

'Happens every year - I can never remember where I put the tree decorations.'

Rudolph's off-season side hustle

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

Father Christmas stuck on plane wing

"Well I don't know how they fly when I can't!"

'Another artisanal B&B.'

Nativity Scene on the Underground

'No wonder you're more tanned than I am - you are nearer the sun!'

"I love Boxing Day"

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

Rudolph's after-Christmas job

'Santa's blotto.'

"It suddenly occurred to me - what was all this giving, giving, giving all the time?! How about doing some taking for a change?"

'I'm not allowed in the water until I can swim.'

"Our lawyers are adept at spotting dodgy clauses.."

It's a girl!

'I'm glad that's over! After the last six weeks in the store, I'm never gonna have any kids!'

'Hear you're big in logistics.'

"I couldn't decide what to give up for Lent, so I gave it all up."

Santa gets a ticket