Second Officer Gifts

The Dubloon Stops Here

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

Sailor in Car.

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

In a cycle - one bucket out, one bucket in.

"Hey, dad. We wanna play army before we go to bed. Can we have our toy medals back?"

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

'Sweet! Let's break it open and see what it is!'

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

'Any wilderness skills besides making smores?'

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

'General, please hire large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny.'

'At ease, soldier.'

Ishmael's First Day on the Pequod was Full of Surprises: "A harpoon!? Don't you practice catch and release?"

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

Subwoofer

Kamikaze Colour

Family Salutes as Father Comes Home.

"I'm returning home triumphant - do you need me to pick anything up?"

'But you're an admiral. How can you feel seasick on a waterbed?'

COWMIKAZES

Family traits.

'Hardy I see no chips!'

The General's Cat: 'Always vigilant!'

'How long have you operated multi-engines, sailor?'

Says here the Navy's going to be patrolling the South China Sea. It could spark a history-changing war. Google tells me the last time a Naval conflict changed history, it was the Battle of Midway. You were alive at that time. How awesome was it to already be ancient when Midway happened? I never expected a question like that from a prepubescent stooge like you. Was it as awesome as when you saw Cleopatra lose at the Battle of Actium? I see you're bringing Google's a-game today.

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

'Carry on sailor, just keep swimming around the coast and stick your head up now and again.'