Second Chance Enthusiast Pillows

'Yes, I would like to go on a second honeymoon, provided it was with my second husband!'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Surprise!"

"I hope I get rock and you get scissors, or I get scissors and you get paper, or I get paper and you get rock."

'Yeah, yeah, very cute... she couldn't have just sent me an e-card?'

"Instead of playing with that boring ball you got me, I updated your computer's operating system, I cleaned your keyboard and ran an antivirus scan."

"I guess one of the bunnies was a boy after all!"

'No, I didn't get a presidential pardon, but I got something better. God has forgiven me.'

'They were going to get married when they were young, but he kept forgetting the wedding date!'

'Heads we declare bankruptcy, tails we try to buy out a profitable megacorp...'

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"Secondhand books, reheated coffee"

"Mr. Caldwell comes to us from a minimum-security correctional facility in Pennsylvania."

Garage Sale (sign originally read 'Garbage' sale).

"Woof"

"Yes, a surprise engagement. Even my husband-to-be here didn't know..."

'A kissogram for the boss? It must be a mistake.'

Surprise Party

'I'll do half of it.'

'And tomorrow we will be having a surprise test.'

Leaving America to chance, the USA being eaten by a die

"Mr. Dankin, the plumber will see you now."

"We'll double our chances of recovery if we buy two lottery tickets."

'Oh, you nut! I thought we agreed we weren't going to make a big fuss over birthdays anymore.'

"I'm very proud. Someone I've been stalking has been nominated for an Academy Award."

'Well, on the bright side, we DID manage to keep it a surprise.'

'Reinventing myself.'

'It's a surprise present for my husband - He's expecting golf clubs!'

It's the little surprises that keep a marriage exciting...

Only used once

The disgusting, embarrassing sound of a whoopie cushion...

Factory Rejects Inc.

Happy Birthday MUM!