Second Chance Believer Pillows

"Oh, definitely, I feel there's a reason I was given a second chance."

'No, I didn't get a presidential pardon, but I got something better. God has forgiven me.'

'They were going to get married when they were young, but he kept forgetting the wedding date!'

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"Mr. Caldwell comes to us from a minimum-security correctional facility in Pennsylvania."

"I'm Mr. Trump's attorney and this is my attorney. Once his attorney arrives, we can begin."

An environmentally sound Christmas - Plant a Seedling - Full tree in 16 years.

'Yes, I would like to go on a second honeymoon, provided it was with my second husband!'

Factory Rejects Inc.

What a success story! It says this guy was in prison and now owns a corporation! Ah, he went from pen to inc.

'Your divorce was so mature, balanced, rational...you want to throw that all away with a reconciliation?'

Jesus the comedian.

"This job involves travel? Let me call my parole officer and OK it with him."

Second marriage vows.

Bob walked away from the halfway house – but only got halfway.

There's no such word as "can't".

"I started this company in my parents basement. I kept a backup copy in case I ever need to start another."

"Lucky beast....No factory farming, no suffering at the slaughterhouse...perfect."

'If I could live my life over, I'd need a really big loan.'

"Keep your chin up."

Field of Broken Dreams

Dating club outside divorce court.

"My husband and I were divorced too young. It didn't last."

'Three letters of recommendation - do you have any from anyone other than your former wardens?'

'Just make sure you keep to the straight and narrow,old chap!'

REincarnation Assignments. Why do you want to be reincarnated? I always wanted a second chance to make a first impression!

"Good morning Year 7."

"Jesus, how many times have I told you that's not a toy?"

'We were married before, and now he wants a rematch.'

"The missing part of my resume? I took a gap year visiting Rikers Island."

'Do you realize by the time you get out the kids will all be full-grown?!'

'We think it's only fitting that second marriage licenses be printed on recycled paper.'

"I'm not happy with the Judgement Day result - I'd like a re-mark."

'I've decided to take a mulligan and start my life over!'