Seasoned Tippler Gifts

"You know this is to solve your problems."

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

Ice Cream Dreams.

My first mistake.

'We have developed an APP we use to import ingredients from the Internet, merge them in the computer, and then download them into the distiller and then just bottle the output.'

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

"Yes we have dollar drafts, no you can't use your own glass."

"This wasn't me, it was the bottle talking."

"Here's Bill now. I'm not sure where he's been, but I'm guessing it was the Sour Beer Festival."

One shandy and two glasses of tap water please.

'This $10,000 bottle of Bordeaux is also a powerful solvent. It entirely dissolved my savings account.'

Tip Responsibly

'Invented a new cocktail.' '

Tip responsibly

Visitor to a Landmark Tavern

'This one's called 'Towel stealer'. It's a guest beer.'

'Owner's kid. Gets paid under the table.'

'Would you like to start with a drink, a menu, or my gratuity.'

'Fancy a spot of work after drinks?'

Joe's Bar: Do your discretionary spending here!

'Time's up, chuckles.'

5-6 pm: Unhappy hour - mourn the loss of jobs to apps, bots, drones.

"You can have my doggie bag as a tip."

I remember your lousy tip. Enjoy MY trickle-down theory.'

'So, does your wrist-wearable wine analyzer have anything so say about that Burgundy, like how to get it out of silk?'

"Say, do you have the correct moon-phase?"

'There's a machine now that tells you when to stop drinking. It's called a cash point machine.'

'Thinker's drinker.'

"Thank you, sir. I see you're not hopelessly liberal."

'Switch me to the cheap stuff when I start talking with my W. C. Fields voice.'

"I prefer the cheap stuff."

Harry, I've just had a tip!

'My Beer Expert necklace reports that this IPA is perfect, so why do I need to taste it?'

"It says 'Good fortune comes to those who tip generously'."