Nostalgic Tippler Gifts

"Am I the only guy at the table who goes back to when this stuff was two hundred and fifty dollars a bottle?"

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

An Appreciation

"He's gone from the most-wanted list to someone the authorities would like to talk to."

'We have developed an APP we use to import ingredients from the Internet, merge them in the computer, and then download them into the distiller and then just bottle the output.'

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

Penny Farthing Tricycle

One shandy and two glasses of tap water please.

"You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixon..."

"Here's Bill now. I'm not sure where he's been, but I'm guessing it was the Sour Beer Festival."

"The nice thing about school is it makes you appreciate summer more."

"This wasn't me, it was the bottle talking."

'This $10,000 bottle of Bordeaux is also a powerful solvent. It entirely dissolved my savings account.'

'This one's called 'Towel stealer'. It's a guest beer.'

Come in here if you don't like....

"When I was a child I spoke as a child... but when I became a man I put away childish things... except for my Cocoa Puffs... I still love Cocoa Puffs."

Visitor to a Landmark Tavern

'Would you like to start with a drink, a menu, or my gratuity.'

Mr. Punch cycling

'So, does your wrist-wearable wine analyzer have anything so say about that Burgundy, like how to get it out of silk?'

"I prefer the cheap stuff."

'Thinker's drinker.'

"Say, do you have the correct moon-phase?"

Joe's Bar: Do your discretionary spending here!

'Second childhood menu, please!'

'Well, it might be hard to believe now, but in my youth, I was the fastest animal on land...'

"I forgot to misspend my youth."

5-6 pm: Unhappy hour - mourn the loss of jobs to apps, bots, drones.

Once Cute, once handsome, once tall and lithe, once given to optimism

'Switch me to the cheap stuff when I start talking with my W. C. Fields voice.'