Nostalgic Tippler Gifts

"Am I the only guy at the table who goes back to when this stuff was two hundred and fifty dollars a bottle?"

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

An Appreciation

"He's gone from the most-wanted list to someone the authorities would like to talk to."

'We have developed an APP we use to import ingredients from the Internet, merge them in the computer, and then download them into the distiller and then just bottle the output.'

Every time I get a postcard from your brother, I regret that I carved him out of driftwood. Greetings.

"Yes we have dollar drafts, no you can't use your own glass."

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

Penny Farthing Tricycle

"This wasn't me, it was the bottle talking."

"You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixon..."

"The nice thing about school is it makes you appreciate summer more."

"Here's Bill now. I'm not sure where he's been, but I'm guessing it was the Sour Beer Festival."

One shandy and two glasses of tap water please.

'This $10,000 bottle of Bordeaux is also a powerful solvent. It entirely dissolved my savings account.'

Visitor to a Landmark Tavern

'This one's called 'Towel stealer'. It's a guest beer.'

Come in here if you don't like....

"When I was a child I spoke as a child... but when I became a man I put away childish things... except for my Cocoa Puffs... I still love Cocoa Puffs."

'Would you like to start with a drink, a menu, or my gratuity.'

Mr. Punch cycling

"Say, do you have the correct moon-phase?"

'Switch me to the cheap stuff when I start talking with my W. C. Fields voice.'

Joe's Bar: Do your discretionary spending here!

'Second childhood menu, please!'

'Well, it might be hard to believe now, but in my youth, I was the fastest animal on land...'

'Thinker's drinker.'

"I forgot to misspend my youth."

5-6 pm: Unhappy hour - mourn the loss of jobs to apps, bots, drones.

Once Cute, once handsome, once tall and lithe, once given to optimism

"I prefer the cheap stuff."