Tipple Enthusiast Gifts

Joe's Bar: Do your discretionary spending here!

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

"Here's Bill now. I'm not sure where he's been, but I'm guessing it was the Sour Beer Festival."

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

'By the way, dear - you have an appointment with the acupuncturist tomorrow.'

Tiptoe through the tulips with me!

My first mistake.

"Tip my boy."

Man is injured transporting cacti.

Dessert - the most important meal of the day.

'We have developed an APP we use to import ingredients from the Internet, merge them in the computer, and then download them into the distiller and then just bottle the output.'

"I got out of tulips after the market collapsed, but I'm slowly getting back in. Especially pink ones."

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

Little Dutch boy tends tulip plant

One shandy and two glasses of tap water please.

"This wasn't me, it was the bottle talking."

'This $10,000 bottle of Bordeaux is also a powerful solvent. It entirely dissolved my savings account.'

"Have you tried the David and Goliath cocktail?"

'Invented a new cocktail.' '

Tip Responsibly

'Dad, I've decided to make some money to supplement my allowance.' 'Good for you. Got a little mowing job?' 'Nope. A tip jar. And oh by the way, 15 to 20 percent is customary.'

'Owner's kid. Gets paid under the table.'

Come in here if you don't like....

'I never get tipped!'

"Thank you, sir. I see you're not hopelessly liberal."

Geert Wilders as a broken tulip,

'Switch me to the cheap stuff when I start talking with my W. C. Fields voice.'

"I prefer the cheap stuff."

Security: Ticklish and Non-Ticklish.

"I'm drinking far too much. Last Saturday night I overindulged and left a 500 dollar tip."

'So, does your wrist-wearable wine analyzer have anything so say about that Burgundy, like how to get it out of silk?'

'Maybe congress will let us tickle them.'

5-6 pm: Unhappy hour - mourn the loss of jobs to apps, bots, drones.

Podiatrist