Seasoned Tippler Pillows

"You know this is to solve your problems."

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

Ice Cream Dreams.

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

My first mistake.

'We have developed an APP we use to import ingredients from the Internet, merge them in the computer, and then download them into the distiller and then just bottle the output.'

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

One shandy and two glasses of tap water please.

"Here's Bill now. I'm not sure where he's been, but I'm guessing it was the Sour Beer Festival."

"This wasn't me, it was the bottle talking."

'This $10,000 bottle of Bordeaux is also a powerful solvent. It entirely dissolved my savings account.'

Tip responsibly

'Invented a new cocktail.' '

'Owner's kid. Gets paid under the table.'

Visitor to a Landmark Tavern

Tip Responsibly

'This one's called 'Towel stealer'. It's a guest beer.'

'Would you like to start with a drink, a menu, or my gratuity.'

'Fancy a spot of work after drinks?'

I remember your lousy tip. Enjoy MY trickle-down theory.'

5-6 pm: Unhappy hour - mourn the loss of jobs to apps, bots, drones.

'Thinker's drinker.'

'Switch me to the cheap stuff when I start talking with my W. C. Fields voice.'

'There's a machine now that tells you when to stop drinking. It's called a cash point machine.'

"You can have my doggie bag as a tip."

Joe's Bar: Do your discretionary spending here!

'Time's up, chuckles.'

'So, does your wrist-wearable wine analyzer have anything so say about that Burgundy, like how to get it out of silk?'

"Thank you, sir. I see you're not hopelessly liberal."

"Say, do you have the correct moon-phase?"

"I prefer the cheap stuff."

'My Beer Expert necklace reports that this IPA is perfect, so why do I need to taste it?'

Harry, I've just had a tip!