Seance Participant Gifts

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"Did you have a cat?"

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

"He says he's been sending you messages from beyond the grave but it's possible they're going straight into your junk folder."

It was a good chance to get together and talk shop.

'There's one app we can't give you ... aptitude.'

"The only thing I'm sensing is an entrepreneurial spirit."

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

'Yes, that person there...'

"You're on mute."

'Life can be tough, Peel.' - 'Yes.' - 'But you have to stay positive.' - 'Yes' - 'You have to keep telling yourself, 'This loser is funding my holiday to Hawaii.' - 'Yes.'

The response of a spirit during a seance is in fact an annoyed neighbour.

'U. . .S. .U. .C. .K. . . . L. . O. . L.'

"He just returned from a motivational seminar."

Open Mike Night Presents the Comedy Stylings of Rudy Park. Did you hear about the iPhone that hired the best wedding planner in the country because it wanted a great reception? Clap. And then there was the autocorrect programmer who got rejected when he asked a lady out on a debate. The romance didn't last long when the cable tv box found out how spacey the satellite tv box was. Get off the stage! The one who invented binary code was a real zero. Boo. Hiss. I don't even get that one, and I'm gla

"Quiet? I'd even read for the understudy part for someone who is between engagements."

"I have eight spirits coming through."

'Yo, Danny! The pitcher's complaining about the crowd noise. Turn it down!'

Life can be beautiful, Al. But for you, the fly in the ointment is your self-loathing. So, my question to you is, what's the fly doing in the ointment? The backstroke!

'The spirit of Miss Tiger Lilly couldn't come this week!'

Argh, typical! I always think of a terrifying thing to say after the s

'Jason and the Argosnaughts.'

"He says that it's really not that bad down there."

Seance: That line is currently busy...would you care to keep holding?

'No, thanks. I'm fine.'

Tortoise & Hare.

"Thanks for coming, Olga - I want you to help me contact my husband."

S

'Ah, a stepping stone to success.'

'Milton, you really did make it to the other side!'

"One knock for yes, two knocks to leave a message, three knocks to speak to an advisor..."

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