Quirky Seance Goers Gifts

'E. I. E. I. O!.. I think we've just made contact with old Macdonald!'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

"He says he's been sending you messages from beyond the grave but it's possible they're going straight into your junk folder."

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"Did you have a cat?"

United Church of OMG

Birds doing the 'wave'.

"Hey Frank, any plans for after church?"

"The only thing I'm sensing is an entrepreneurial spirit."

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

"You're on mute."

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

Out for lunch... GOD

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

'U. . .S. .U. .C. .K. . . . L. . O. . L.'

The response of a spirit during a seance is in fact an annoyed neighbour.

The 1st annual pet baptism was also the last

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

'I understand the new usher is in the restaurant business.'

'How come I never see you in church?'

"OK, so you've told us what God thinks... but now I'd like to know what YOU think!"

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

Man waiting to receive communion drinks soda

Customers must wash hands after using their laptops.

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'

"I have eight spirits coming through."

'The spirit of Miss Tiger Lilly couldn't come this week!'

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'