Scripture Surfer Gifts

Moses on the web

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

'You just don't know when to stop, do you?'

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

TV-Man

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

What are you in the mood to get confused watching tonight?

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

Alien uses astronaut's visor as TV to watch news.

"You've got computer-breath."

'This seashell does not sound like the ocean... It sounds like someone yelling 'Look out!''

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

Jesus sighted walking off Malibu

How I met your mother

'Now ask yourself Gerald, do we really need ALL these channels?'

"Why on earth do you insist on coming to this miserable, isolated, rocky, small island every year to roost? It's covered in guano! Disgusting..."

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

'Another nice wave.'

'The trick to scaring surfers is to only show your dorsal fin when you surface next to them...'

'No surf?'

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'

Remote control wars.

Surfing kangaroo #1 Hawaiian shirt.

"Should be back soon. He's just out catching a few x-rays."

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

"We're in deep trouble... there are some people quoting back to us what we taught them."

"We interrupt this rubbish to give you another chance to switch off."

"The amendments are coming next week!"